I was on the tube the other morning and saw a man who reminded me of my father. At first I felt a warm feeling thinking of him. Then I realized that I had completely missed Labor Day this year. A huge sadness came over me. How could I forget?
I know, I know, I have a pretty major life change going on with the move and being away from my family and everything - but I cannot believe I got so caught up in it that I could forget the 20th anniversary of my own father's death. I felt guilty.
I guess the good part of this is that I do feel that he is still part of my life and that I focus more on the good memories instead of the sad ones. Still, I cannot help but feel sad. Is that weird to feel sad for not feeling sad?
Anyway, Dad, I love you and miss you - really!
4 years ago
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5 comments:
The loss hits us all at different times. It is hard when you are in another country that does not celebrate the same holidays. The memories come at various times and places. I remember really missing Dada when both the kids were born and most recently when Vernon decided to become Catholic. I can't even imagine what Dad would say about that!
And you should not feel guilty, time passes and Dad would be so proud of all you have accomplished.
Okay, I should really check my spelling before I hit 'submit' I meant Dad, not Dada. Sheesh!
Thanks Joan! I know I should not feel guilty - just hard sometimes like you say.
Also, I know you really call him Dada in secret - not a secret anymore....
I acknowledged it, talked about it, reminded Chuck about it, prepared myself for sadness. I was totally focused on it this year, but I never felt sad. It was weird. Instead, I felt sad for people who have just lost someone and are just now learning to deal with that paid. I was sad thinking back on all of us at the time, but for some reason, I'm no longer sad that he's gone. And I don't even feel guilty. It's just more matter of fact now. 20 years is a really long time.
Um, I'll order a batch of "spell check" too. I meant "pain" not "paid."
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